I've been having a lot of weird dreams lately. It's odd because I almost never remember my dreams, and now I realize that it's with good reason. Each dream has one kinda dark/sinister element, and then something completely ridiculous happens. Let's examine dream number one (I realize most people don't find dreams interesting, but I think these are entertaining, so humor me):
In this first dream, I'm working the graveshift security job at a museum. Oddly enough Chithra was my partner at the job (my subconscious seems to think our grad degrees are useless). Anyway, so we're just hanging out, and it's really dark and creepy in the museum. We hear people breaking in...and instead of being good security guards, we run and try to hide. All of a sudden my dream turns into a scary movie where the bad guys are slowly hunting us in the dark and we're trying to, you know, not die. It was actually really suspenseful in the dream. But then, the head bad guy shows himself, and he promises not to hurt us if we make him pancakes. Saved by pancakes! The dream goes on for a bit, but everything pretty much turns out ok. It was a pretty elaborate dream considering the message in the end was "I'm hungry."
The second dream was pretty short and vague, but it was weird enough to warrant my mentioning it here. The first thing that I remember is a car in a frozen lake with a dead body in the trunk. For some reason, it's my job to get the dead body out of the lake. You'd think with modern technology, this wouldn't be such a big deal, but I have no idea how to get a dead body out of a car in a frozen lake. I spend a large chunk of the dream talking about how to do this with my colleagues - none of which I recognize. I then start freaking out that we need to get a golf cart, because the lake is in the middle of a golf course and it would be poor etiquette to bring heavy machinery there (obviously). The dream ends with me riding to the lake in a golf cart and poking the dead body with a large metal pole. Because I'm just that good.
The final dream is, in my opinion, the weirdest dream. I know what you're thinking. "But Camellia, how much weirder could it get after the whole poking a dead body in a frozen lake thing?" Pretty fucking weird, buddy.
This dream starts out in London and guest stars Dina. Hi, Dina! So, we're in London and crossing Tower Bridge, but instead of it being a normal bridge, it's actually a rollercoaster. This dream was particularly vivid for some reason. When the rollercoaster took a gut-wrenching drop, I could feel the breath being knocked out of me. It was neat. Anyway, the rollercoaster ends up in the Underground, but instead of it being the actual London Underground, it's now the London BART system. We wander through BART for a while and I get lost a couple of times. Of course, if this were realistic, Dina would be the one getting lost, but she knew where she was going for some reason. We ended up at one of the stations watching a street performer with a bunch of other people. One of those people happened to be Bono (since when am I a U2 fan?), who naturally invited us back to his place. Once we're at Bono's place, he gave us ketamine. I actually don't really even know what ketamine is, but my dreams seem to be all for it. Anyway, we then go hot-tubbing and I started freaking out because I brought two bathing suits, and I couldn't seem to match them properly. I kept mismatching the tops with the bottoms, which wasn't as funny then as it is now, but this all took a long time. It literally felt like hours that I was sitting there trying to figure out how to match the bathing suits properly. Dina eventually dragged me out of the dressing room, and that's where the dream ends. I know, it's anti-climactic, but I think the Tower Bridge rollercoaster and Bono are hard to top.
Yeah, so my subconscious is nuts. I challenge people who think dreams mean something to come up with an explanation for those. I'm not an expert, but I'm pretty sure they all mean I'm insane.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Brains!
Due to popular demand, and by popular demand I clearly mean Dina, I have brain stuff to show. For the summer I worked with a funcitonal neurosurgeon. Functional neurosurgery deals more with quality of life issues. While the central nervous system structure is mostly normal, it functions abnormally (like in Parkinson's or people with pain disorders) and people get to neurosurgeons after failing other forms of treatment. My main focus was deep brain stimulation, which places electrodes into the brain to override an abnormal electric signal. It's used mainly in Parkinson's and other diseases that cause tremors, although they're testing it for severe depression. Anyway, this is what the surgical setup looks like:
The thing sticking straight out of the dude's head is essentially a motorized drill. The electrodes are drilled into the brain until they reach the right area, which has its own special electrical signal that the surgeon listens to and recognizes (I've heard it, its like different degrees of audible fuzz, which apparently means something). It turns out to look something like this in the end:
I was too lazy to cut the person out of the picture, but the cool thing is the x-ray. You can see how deep the electrodes go into the brain. The wires under the scalp travel down the neck to a battery pack that lies just over the pec muscles. The battery, mind you, is like $20,000. This stuff is suuuper fancy. Most people don't have a problem with the batteries (they stick out a bit like a pacemaker) but they do get a lifetime of pat-downs at the airport since going through a metal-detector is a bit out of the question.
They do a similar thing for the spinal cord. For people with a lot of nerve pain that can't be treated any other way, they put a similar stimulator over the spinal cord. The current from the stimulator creates a tingling sensation that sort of masks the pain from the messed up nerves. It's a closed surgery - they do everything through needles and tubes - so there are no decent pictures except through x-rays that I can't seem to find. So look! Random brains!
The coverings are still over the actual brain, but those sure are some juicy arteries. :)
And look, brain cancer:
So yeah, that's all i got for now.
The thing sticking straight out of the dude's head is essentially a motorized drill. The electrodes are drilled into the brain until they reach the right area, which has its own special electrical signal that the surgeon listens to and recognizes (I've heard it, its like different degrees of audible fuzz, which apparently means something). It turns out to look something like this in the end:
I was too lazy to cut the person out of the picture, but the cool thing is the x-ray. You can see how deep the electrodes go into the brain. The wires under the scalp travel down the neck to a battery pack that lies just over the pec muscles. The battery, mind you, is like $20,000. This stuff is suuuper fancy. Most people don't have a problem with the batteries (they stick out a bit like a pacemaker) but they do get a lifetime of pat-downs at the airport since going through a metal-detector is a bit out of the question.They do a similar thing for the spinal cord. For people with a lot of nerve pain that can't be treated any other way, they put a similar stimulator over the spinal cord. The current from the stimulator creates a tingling sensation that sort of masks the pain from the messed up nerves. It's a closed surgery - they do everything through needles and tubes - so there are no decent pictures except through x-rays that I can't seem to find. So look! Random brains!
The coverings are still over the actual brain, but those sure are some juicy arteries. :)And look, brain cancer:
So yeah, that's all i got for now.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
So...it's been a while
I have an exam tomorrow, and frankly, I'm bored out of mind. I've read most of the news, chatted online for a bit, watched some tv, did some studying in between, and, out of a lack of anything else to do, I started reading some of my old posts. Yes, I remembered that at one point I used to keep a blog. Shocking, I know. It was fun though. It's like going back through a yearbook, you know, if that yearbook's only about me and not full of crap people.
So as an update, the whole finding friends thing fell through pretty hard. People here suck. I miss my friends, I miss California, I miss eating good food...Chicago blows. On the up-side though, I've been doing a crazy amount of yoga, I'm 99% sure I'm going into neurosurgery (if they'll take me) and I've lost some weight because of the aforementioned unappetizing food in this city.
Where to start? Probably with my test tomorrow. I don't know what it is, but I just don't want to study. This unit is more poorly organized than usual. The random topics they've decided to "introduce" to us include: genetically-acquired diseases, pharmacokinetics, antibiotics, cancer, transplant pathology and autoimmune diseases. I mean, wtf. None of this stuff is interesting when it's taught in such a limited fashion, which makes me just not care. Whatever, it'll be over tomorrow. I just need to pass.
The neurosurgery thing was really neat. I saw a lot of cool surgeries (brains!), learned a lot about different neuro diseases and got to see patients. It was fun running around the hospital in my white coat and scrubs. I imagine it'll be more fun when I know stuff, too, but whatever. It's funny how people get divided up in medicine. The personality types are so strong. People who like knowing everything about everything and talking about it for hours go into medicine. People who like actually doing something go into surgery. Within surgery, you have the general surgeons vs. the specialists. The specialists look down on the general surgeons, because they work in "bile and shit" all day (quote courtesy of one of the neurosurgeons I work with). Even within neurosurgery there are factions. There are the spinal surgeons, vascular neurosurgeons, functional neurosurgeons, etc. The fun part is that they all look down on each other. I love the inflated egos and nonsense hierarchies that make up medicine. It makes me think I picked the right career. :)
Anyway, I'm going to try to update this thing a little more regularly. It'll switch things up in my boring, boring life. But at least I can use stories from the past 6 months to make this sucker entertaining, hopefully...Heh.
So as an update, the whole finding friends thing fell through pretty hard. People here suck. I miss my friends, I miss California, I miss eating good food...Chicago blows. On the up-side though, I've been doing a crazy amount of yoga, I'm 99% sure I'm going into neurosurgery (if they'll take me) and I've lost some weight because of the aforementioned unappetizing food in this city.
Where to start? Probably with my test tomorrow. I don't know what it is, but I just don't want to study. This unit is more poorly organized than usual. The random topics they've decided to "introduce" to us include: genetically-acquired diseases, pharmacokinetics, antibiotics, cancer, transplant pathology and autoimmune diseases. I mean, wtf. None of this stuff is interesting when it's taught in such a limited fashion, which makes me just not care. Whatever, it'll be over tomorrow. I just need to pass.
The neurosurgery thing was really neat. I saw a lot of cool surgeries (brains!), learned a lot about different neuro diseases and got to see patients. It was fun running around the hospital in my white coat and scrubs. I imagine it'll be more fun when I know stuff, too, but whatever. It's funny how people get divided up in medicine. The personality types are so strong. People who like knowing everything about everything and talking about it for hours go into medicine. People who like actually doing something go into surgery. Within surgery, you have the general surgeons vs. the specialists. The specialists look down on the general surgeons, because they work in "bile and shit" all day (quote courtesy of one of the neurosurgeons I work with). Even within neurosurgery there are factions. There are the spinal surgeons, vascular neurosurgeons, functional neurosurgeons, etc. The fun part is that they all look down on each other. I love the inflated egos and nonsense hierarchies that make up medicine. It makes me think I picked the right career. :)
Anyway, I'm going to try to update this thing a little more regularly. It'll switch things up in my boring, boring life. But at least I can use stories from the past 6 months to make this sucker entertaining, hopefully...Heh.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Yeah, so not much new has happened lately. I'm really excited about my trip to New Orleans and back home. I fly back to the bay march 31 and i fly back out an april 6. Never fear though, I already booked tickets back home for two weeks in june 4-16. muahahaha.
That's really all there is to report. I've spent the past 4 days in the library studying...literally. Like I've spent all day, generally until around 10pm, studying if I'm not in class. I kinda hate life right now. Just a little bit.
Also, just as a side note, we finished anatomy lab for good today. I must say, it was incredibly interesting and cool that we got to see so much of the body (it really is neat), but man, we did some fucked up stuff to that person. It's really kinda amazing that people donate their bodies for this, because we really do learn a lot, but at the same time it's probably not my ideal way to go. I'm still mixed about how I feel about it, I guess. It's probably better than just putting your body in the ground and having it waste away, or burning it down to ashes. I guess at least this way some people get something out of it.
Yup, that's all for now. I should go study...or sleep. blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarg.
That's really all there is to report. I've spent the past 4 days in the library studying...literally. Like I've spent all day, generally until around 10pm, studying if I'm not in class. I kinda hate life right now. Just a little bit.
Also, just as a side note, we finished anatomy lab for good today. I must say, it was incredibly interesting and cool that we got to see so much of the body (it really is neat), but man, we did some fucked up stuff to that person. It's really kinda amazing that people donate their bodies for this, because we really do learn a lot, but at the same time it's probably not my ideal way to go. I'm still mixed about how I feel about it, I guess. It's probably better than just putting your body in the ground and having it waste away, or burning it down to ashes. I guess at least this way some people get something out of it.
Yup, that's all for now. I should go study...or sleep. blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarg.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Still waiting for spring
So, these past couple of weeks have been completely uneventful. I don't think I'm handling med school very well, but at this point I'm just kind of waiting for the year to be over. I've been studying a lot, at least until I got sick over the weekend, then I just played a lot of video games. Otherwise there's really been no sign of life. I'm forming friendships, which is good. But I find that there are very few people (namely two) I can see every day and in the relatively stressful environment that is school...and not want to cut their throats. I realize I should be humble because people probably feel that way about me, but seeing the same people every day just drives me a little crazy.
Operation: Find Friends Outside of Med School has also been put on hold for a while now, at least until it's warm enough to go outside and do things. It's weird too, like I think I've reached the point where I need attention. I feel like I've been so deprived of any sort of excitement or just anything mildly interesting, that this is leading to increasing pessimism. Because that's how I do things. It's way easier to be pessimistic than proactive. Granted, I don't really think I want to be proactive in this state, because it'll probably lead to me doing something incredibly stupid, but still. I think realizing this much has helped put things into perspective a bit. I need to calm the fuck down.
Anyway, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm going to New Orleans after my exams and it sounds like the brother has quite the weekend lined up, so I'm excited. And then I'm coming home! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I really can't wait to see everyone again. It's been 3 long fucking months since I've even heard anybody's voice (I should probably start using my phone more...). I also just bought my plane tickets for the first part of summer, and I'll be spending just about two weeks in the bay, which should be really nice. I thought about possibly going somewhere else, but I don't really know where I'd go, and I really do miss home, so the bay it is! At least by then Chicago will be nice and sweltering hot, but right now it's still freezing cold, so fuck this place. :D
Well, I guess that was a semi-serious post. I'll try to lighten it up in the future. Maybe when it actually warms up a bit....
Operation: Find Friends Outside of Med School has also been put on hold for a while now, at least until it's warm enough to go outside and do things. It's weird too, like I think I've reached the point where I need attention. I feel like I've been so deprived of any sort of excitement or just anything mildly interesting, that this is leading to increasing pessimism. Because that's how I do things. It's way easier to be pessimistic than proactive. Granted, I don't really think I want to be proactive in this state, because it'll probably lead to me doing something incredibly stupid, but still. I think realizing this much has helped put things into perspective a bit. I need to calm the fuck down.
Anyway, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm going to New Orleans after my exams and it sounds like the brother has quite the weekend lined up, so I'm excited. And then I'm coming home! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I really can't wait to see everyone again. It's been 3 long fucking months since I've even heard anybody's voice (I should probably start using my phone more...). I also just bought my plane tickets for the first part of summer, and I'll be spending just about two weeks in the bay, which should be really nice. I thought about possibly going somewhere else, but I don't really know where I'd go, and I really do miss home, so the bay it is! At least by then Chicago will be nice and sweltering hot, but right now it's still freezing cold, so fuck this place. :D
Well, I guess that was a semi-serious post. I'll try to lighten it up in the future. Maybe when it actually warms up a bit....
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Drinking away my lack of a life
I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I probably will fail in my attempt to find a life outside of med school. It's crazy how claustrophobic it gets being around the exact same people every single day. Especially when they're med students, and everything you do revolves around med school. So my solution to this problem is to find a few med students that can hold a conversation about something not med school related, and share my inclination to make fun of everything we do. Phase two of my plan is to then develop an alcohol addiction. I think I've mostly accomplished the first part of the plan, as I've been hanging out with a few of the girls in my class quite a bit. The second part of the plan is coming to fruition quite nicely as well.
We've developed a bit of a ritual to watch Lost together each Thursday night, and I bring along a bottle of wine to share, which makes it pretty fun. On Friday nights, we then go to dinner at one of the pubs and get a few drinks. Nevermind the stash of rum and vodka I have in my freezer. Heh. We even went crazy and went out to a bar last Wednesday night because we had the day off on Thursday. It was a med school thing with med school people, but still, lots of drinking, which makes everything better. Also, I'm still not bad at beer pong. Not great, but I'm not a total chick either. :)
Other than that, things have been pretty tame. I volunteered at a health fair in Chinatown, where about 200 Chinese grandmas and grandpas came in for full physical exams in a roughly 3 hour time span. It was crazy. And it was nice finally getting out and using whatever few skills I have to help people. That was the whole point of med school after all...
I've also been studying quite a bit and just kind of getting into the med school groove. Granted I hate life because it really is what I feared: all med school, all the time, but really what can you do?
We've developed a bit of a ritual to watch Lost together each Thursday night, and I bring along a bottle of wine to share, which makes it pretty fun. On Friday nights, we then go to dinner at one of the pubs and get a few drinks. Nevermind the stash of rum and vodka I have in my freezer. Heh. We even went crazy and went out to a bar last Wednesday night because we had the day off on Thursday. It was a med school thing with med school people, but still, lots of drinking, which makes everything better. Also, I'm still not bad at beer pong. Not great, but I'm not a total chick either. :)
Other than that, things have been pretty tame. I volunteered at a health fair in Chinatown, where about 200 Chinese grandmas and grandpas came in for full physical exams in a roughly 3 hour time span. It was crazy. And it was nice finally getting out and using whatever few skills I have to help people. That was the whole point of med school after all...
I've also been studying quite a bit and just kind of getting into the med school groove. Granted I hate life because it really is what I feared: all med school, all the time, but really what can you do?
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Pictures, finally!
So, I finally figured out how to sync up my phone with my computer...and now I can start taking pictures with my phone again.
Here are some winter pics I took early last December, when it just started snowing and it was all novel and pretty.
I was waiting for a bus after working at a clinic here. The snow was coming down pretty gently and I was very much enjoying it.
This isn't the greatest picture, but it's right outside my building. This was also before Christmas, so you can see the tree has lights on it. It was actually really pretty, but they've taken all the lights down, so now everything just looks all bare and dead. There isn't as much snow on the ground anymore either. Most of it has melted away, although some rather cruel ice patches remain. Although it's supposed to snow for the next two days...which just makes me sad.
And here's my obligatory cat picture. Look at that belly! Man, that cheers me up. :)
Here are some winter pics I took early last December, when it just started snowing and it was all novel and pretty.
I was waiting for a bus after working at a clinic here. The snow was coming down pretty gently and I was very much enjoying it.
This isn't the greatest picture, but it's right outside my building. This was also before Christmas, so you can see the tree has lights on it. It was actually really pretty, but they've taken all the lights down, so now everything just looks all bare and dead. There isn't as much snow on the ground anymore either. Most of it has melted away, although some rather cruel ice patches remain. Although it's supposed to snow for the next two days...which just makes me sad.
And here's my obligatory cat picture. Look at that belly! Man, that cheers me up. :)
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